Wednesday, April 8, 2009

day five: Where it all went right

there is a point
a mile from 11 and 40
west side of
a two-lane road
an old red barn
a few yards beside
still stands
just as it did
twenty-two years ago
where it all went right

then our lives
were in shambles
we could not speak
without hearing
our own angry voice
sleep seemed to come
only by accident
at the wrong times
our manners seemed
labored
suspicious
both uncomfortable
with the feel of
each other's skin
and our own

neither of us recalls
exactly what happened
but we both smile
as we place blame
on that silly song
playing on the AM radio
people cringe
when we confide
what song it was

we were talking
you said something
out of nowhere
that struck the flint
an epiphany

my reply
was suddenly direct
razor focused
boulders between us
removed
we suddenly lost
the fear of failure
and fear of success

word after word
poured from us both
the past
suddenly made meaningless
by the changed look
of the future

i pulled the car over
right there
the red barn
as our witness
above us birds
winging new patterns
we talked
into the night
the sun rose
without a sense of time
or space
or our former selves

often hard
to remember days past
some remember by holiday
some remember by tragedy
but we both remember
beside the road unwinding
that small place
where finally
it all went right

Sunday, April 5, 2009

day four: Mighty Thylacine!

Mighty Thylacine!
All Hail!
Tasmanian Tiger
Goofy Marsupial Wolf
Striped Opossum
Doggie of Downunder
It is you at last!

Idiot farmers
their hot shotguns belching
stinking up the air
all smoke and noise with
their killing toys

centuries of
the hunt
you running madly
with your young
in heated pouches
and somehow
you made them feel safe

millions of you died
and they called you extinct
but you were smarter
you knew the way

so all hail the mighty thylacine
but don't say a word
because while being
the hunted one
the cause célèbre
everyone knows
the hardest thing to do
is to disappear

day three: The Problem With Problems

a gentle woman
whose name
i do not know
lives down our block
in a giant dollhouse
as you pass by
senses suddenly
detect difference
her cats both smile

yesterday
i saw her
plain coat and cap
light and clean upon her
dirty angels, envious
make rude gestures
behind her back

we passed today
on narrow sidewalk
our eyes met and
smiling, she spoke to me!
i returned her greeting
I've heard say
she speaks
almost never

what's this i see?
on her face
a brow line
folded deep
and in a
instant
i thought
it must be hiding
a problem

it swept me in and
i had a problem
with her problem

the weight
my imagining
that problem
how it might feel in me
overtook my being
i was held hostage by
the moment's mystery
i wanted to
save that sweet soul
from the problem
denied!
i didn't
really
know her
at all

then her face
turned toward me!
and from another angle
I noticed
the line was gone
our eyes
met once more
she smiled again
just before
the door
to her dollhouse
closed behind her
leaving me
to ponder
my problem
with problems

Thursday, April 2, 2009

day two: Outsider

i walk the same path
with this city alive
i am the walking dead
as i pass
music and laughter announce themselves through well-used doorways
mind's camera clicks faces
i gaze from outside
at the matching open-mouthed smiles
distributed throughout the table
for me, happiness was long ago
i know no one here
no one knows me

i have money
i have a job
where no one knows me
they lower their voices as i pass

maybe talking again about
the accident
my car off the bridge
broken glass
singing sirens
i lost her that night
along with who i was

the music plays
for them and the streets
filling the freshly-scrubbed sidewalks
the passing cars seem happy
purposeful
large glass windows reveal waiters
balancing steaming plates
serving patrons without emotion
they look down into their plates
as if to tell their fortunes
i know mine already
it is to walk
this same path
alone
forever

day one: Origins: Music

sometime after the first note heard on earth
i saw duane eddy
on american bandstand
i was 4
mom ironed away
as if automatic
the hot steam
spray bottle smell
i was too young to understand
but the sound was familiar and
the beat felt good

rock and roll bands
every summer friday
in the tennis courts
behind my childhood home
i was too young to understand
but i felt the teenagers dance
i watched the beautiful girls sway
drums slammed hard
loud guitars filled my soul
and i knew

i played my guitar at first
like a cripple
like therapy
my fingers hurt but i must
lose my atrophy
learn to dance
to know the truth
instead of lies everyone told
about me

the beatles
the stones
the kinks
guitars overtaking my every breath
drums slamming as i walked to school on the beat
playing in my head loud
overtaking all unpleasant and
life felt good

first band at 9
we played and
the whole school watched
the music loud and hard
the girls all loved me
suddenly
some teacher faces contorted
their hands over ears
their heads bowed
but mostly i
just watched the beautiful girls sway
we would lock eyes and swing
we knew

a dream evaporates
segues to a faraway city
thousands of people
in the dark hall waiting
i saw the rows disappear into darkness
their sounds excited
electricity builds, then explodes
we were onstage at last

the music an environment
my fingers moved, the amps roared
it was played by everyone
we swam within the womb
warm loud ocean
i watched the beautiful girl sway
the beat rose slowly
together we swam and dove and swam and dove
the ocean grew loud and boiling hot
we locked eyes and both came
and we knew

then suddenly
it was gone
a memory
but the music still played
in my head
and it caresses still
like life
like love